All In?

Having spent time in Vegas All In can mean a couple of things. Either you have a great hand or you want people to think that you do. You push all of your earnings into the center of the table and await the last cards to be shown from the dealer.

It is really blind faith. You are either going home or gaining a lot of chips. if nothing else it can be a rush.

Here in the real world all in takes on a different meaning. The last few days I have been brought to a place of having to decide what direction my life was going to take. As Wheeler would say it sure was easy being a son. Now the big boy pants are on life gets more difficult.

I realized Monday that choosing to accept lies and lay down the gifting that I had I had hurt people that I loved. That frustrated me. It upped the ante so to speak.

Then Tuesday and Wednesday my life went all to hell. There was no trigger. No bad meetings. No drama. Nope. The bottom just fell out of my life.

This morning as I was praying I heard the Lord say All In. The question was posed would I rather create my own breakthrough for my family or would I rather turn it over to God and let Him finish the work that He has started. Interesting proposition.

On one hand it sure would be nice to be working and providing the finer things for my family like say a house. But on the other hand I had to step back and look at how God has positioned Shelly and I and the impact we were already having on the Body here at the Lake. It was decision time. Was I going to hold my meager stack of chips or was I going to push them all to the middle of the table?

The decision was made. God had brought us this far He isn't going to stop the work that He has began so all the chips are now in the middle of the table and God is the dealer.

What will this decision look like 5 years from now? Don't know. I have told God that I would preach His Word all over the world and to pull back now just because my personal life is uncomfortable didn't seem right. Not when there are so many more hurting people out here that need the gifting that Shelly and I bring.

When it is all said and done I may not have much in way of earthly possessions but if this positions me for the Father's ministry and creates a place of character and integrity, living a life worthy of the calling, what else is there in this life?

Besides, I was created for such a time as this. Father I am in. All in. Not my will but Yours be done in my life.

Not my will but Yours be done

When I was in high school I got into a fight with another kid. I remember the details to this day. After I had hit him in the head a couple of times I knew the kid could not see anymore but he kept coming at me.

I remember it not because of the violence so much as for what my teacher, Mr. Dean, did during the fight. He wrapped his arm around my chest leaving my left hand free. I remember leaning back into his chest waiting should I have to fight some more.

I was reminded of that a few days ago because that seems like where I am at currently in my walk with God. I am leaning back into His chest. I have a hand free to fight if I need to but I am increasingly aware that I don't have to anymore. That is a nice thought for me and one that I hold onto.

I have been praying for some time now that not my will but God's be done in my life, in my marriage, and in my ministry as already haven been established in heaven.

How many people know it is one thing to pray something along those lines but it is a different story to walk it out?

Here is where I rest on the chest of Jesus, I have confidence that when all hell is breaking loose, when that job offer does not materialize, when Shel has put in her 50th hour of work and it is just Thursday I can rest and listen to the hearbeat of Jesus.

How is this possible? Simple I stand on the Word of God. All things work together for good who love God and to those who are called according to His purpose. (Rom 8:28) We know that we are called here in this time of our lives.

Intimacy. If Jesus continually went away to the mountain to pray and spend time with the Father shouldn't that be where my heart is?

This was a tough one for me because for the longest time I did this out of spirituality and or a spirit of religion. After prayer and fasting my priorities have changed drastically and I love being in the presence of the Father because that is where true ministry is derived.

Lastly when facing circumstances of the day or week I sometimes lose focus and I become concern with how I am to operate corporately in the Body and during those times of silence from those in authority over me or those times I discern that something is not right I have to go back to Jeremiah 29:11 and realize that God knows the plans for me. I have to understand that it does not matter what those in authority over me do or do not do they cannot stop the plan of God for my life.

When I realize this it leads back to intimacy. Time spent in the Father's presence is time well spent.

So when everything is coming against me I understand the prayers of a righteousness availeth much (James 5:16)

And while I am walking this out you know what I have found? When I am resting against the chest of Jesus, I don't hear nor fear the enemy.

What's in you?

Over the past few weeks our pastor has spoke at length about what is on the inside of us. Much like the Gatorade commercials where the athletes sweat comes out the color of the Gatorade that they have consumed we have the same thing that is going on. Daniel asked the hard question - how much of the world is in you? Difficult question if answered truthfully.

Along those same lines Rick uses a similar analogy of the sponge. If a sponge is dipped in clear clean water then when it is squeezed the water will be clean whereas if a sponge is dipped in Kool-Aid then the sponge, when squeezed, will be the color of the drink.

So what IS on the inside of you?

This one is difficult because it is a mature question. For a young believer there is a chance for a ton of condemnation to come in when a message like this is taught. Maybe there is a tendency for that person to "force" themselves to study and pray even though that is not what God is calling them to. They may well be in a phase of their lives that they need to be taking it slow.

As for me I kind of took it on the chin when I hear this message. There are some things that I enjoy. Those that know me know that I really enjoy my college football and don't mind to attend some games or maybe buy some Hokie gear.

The thing that I have to be careful of when Saturday's rolling around is what is God doing? Seriously. I have to understand what His plans are before I get started on Saturday's. If not I can see my marriage go haywire, condemnation can and will jump on me, or I might even get depressed.

So how do I handle/balance whether I am striving toward the goal of knowing Jesus and Him crucified? Several things play into this.

1) There are two things I cannot sacrifice (regardless of who Va Tech is playing) and that is my quiet time with Jesus and my wife. Sometimes these two go hand in hand other times no so much. I need to seek the heart of Jesus daily. It helps me to be the priest and prophet of my home. It also helps my wife, just ask her.
2) The fail safe in all of this is my heart. This helps with the condemnation.

Psalms 44:12
...For He knows the secrets of the heart.

and don't bother faking the funk
Psalms 94:11
The Lord knows the thoughts of man, That they are a mere breath

if I can guard my heart and not allow my identity be in the things that I am doing in this world then I am in a safe place.

for example
taking pride in the fact that I have tickets when thousands of other people would love to be there

thinking more highly of myself then I ought to
Romans 12:3
For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have a sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith

To bring it all back together and close up we are the King's kids. I am firmly convinced that we are not put here on earth to lead solitary dour lives. HOWEVER we must keep Jesus first in our lives even over our families. It really is that simple. My identity cannot be that I am a Hokie my identity is I am my Father's son who enjoys Va Tech sports.

The toughest part of the lesson I had to learn and walk through was giving it all back to the Father and letting Him restore a healthy appreciation for those worldly things in my life. When He asked for a television fast right in the middle of college football season I about lost my mind. Yet what I learned through that and what God was able to do was remove the worldly influence of my likes and restore a pureness to them.

I am still walking that out but I have gotten to the point now where most of the time my entire Saturday's aren't consumed by football and I can go shopping with my wife and not get into a fight because I am missing the "game". God had to do that work in my life and I had to be willing to go along with Him. And you know something? Those worldly things never advanced my life or the Kingdom anyway.

So what is in you? Do you have the desire to get rid of it and turn it over to God or do you want to hang onto it? If you get rid of it just know there is a ton of mercy and grace for ya.

See a banana split is the perfect dessert for me. Been eating them my whole life and could never imagine them getting any better. Then one day someone puts walnuts on my split and all of a sudden that thing that I loved has been improved and now I really love them.

Same thing with giving your passions and desires over to God. When my Father restores he does so with a gentleness and with love and the next thing you know that thing that could never get any better - well suddenly it is.

Short Brief about Worship

I won't go into detail about worship here. This is just a post of what I have been feeling the past six months.

When I spend time at A Place for the Heart during the annual Helser Men's Retreat I get filled to overflowing so that I can go and pour into other peoples lives. Freely I have received and freely I give. Here lately I have watched some things that have gotten me excited. I watch as guys like Josh Baldwin and Jonathan Helser redefine worship, I have watched young 20 year olds leave our church at Dwelling Place and head to places like Macedonia, Serbia, and Greece, and I watch the worship that is coming out of Bethel, Morning Star, A Place for the Heart, and even Dwelling Place and I get excited.

What I am seeing is a generation that knows how to worship and I see a generation that just wants Jesus. They want Him. We enjoy walking and talking with Him daily yes even moment to moment. This is a worship that is so pure that I often times see Jesus dancing waving banners during worship.

From the faithful prayers of those that have come before us I say thank you. We are indeed a generation that burns for Jesus. You have laid the foundation for us to go into another realm. Because of your faithful teachings and examples we did not have to start from the beginning. We burn for Jesus. Nothing else matters. Laying aside all earthly things and coming after the Way, the Truth, and the Life. We love you Jesus and we aren't satisfied with anything ordinary anymore.

As I was pondering this there was a thought that Jesus is coming back for His bride:

Revelation 19:7
Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready.

Revelation 21:2
And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband

Revelation 21:9
Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues cane and spoke with me saying "Come here, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb

Revelation 22:7
The Spirit and the bride say "Come and let the one who hears say 'Come and let the one who is thirsty come let the one who wishes take the water of life without cost'"

We are getting ready for a wedding. I have spent time in worship and felt the flood of God's love just wreck me. My ideas, my theology, my circumstances were changed. Forever.

My thought in closing is this:
I have been in a place of worship with the Father where there was not earthly feeling that could equate to the euphoria that was felt in His presence. We have not even began to scratch the surface of intimacy compared to the glory that is going to be revealed when we come face to face with Him. And that realization is dawning on this generation that nothing else matters here on this earth. We just want to worship you Jesus.

Doubts Echo

Shel and I were talking the other night and the subject came up that if we were to file our taxes right now I have not cleared $3,000 for the year. Yes, that is three thousand I did not forget another zero.

This is a conversation that I have had with her as Shelly has usually been the bread winner for most of the past three years. There was a point where I was contributing to the cause in a substantial way but those have seemed to taper off.

Some things that I have walked through in this process are picking up verbal curses from times past, feeling of guilt and shame, depression and doubt.

The verbal curses have been around for some time. My grandfather often said that I would never make anything of my life, my ex-wife, after leaving me, told her mother that I was a worthless drunk and that I was lazy and would never amount to much.

Then take in to consideration the judgments that I made toward my dad who is a chicken farmer down in North Carolina - you know the "I am not going to be like my dad, I am going to get an education and secure a retirement for myself etc etc etc" add it all up and there were some curses and judgments that I needed to pray through.

Another thing that is happening in this season is walking out a word that has placed on the inside of me. Long story short I was able to hold a men's camp meeting where God had placed it on my heart that we needed to be working in the areas that God had placed it on our hearts to work and not where the world said we needed to be working.

An example of this was the decision that I made, based on a word from God with confirmation of scripture, to walk out of one of the highest paying manufacturing jobs in the New River Valley to begin building houses. I walked away taking a 50% pay cut. This freed more of my time up for ministry, family, and restored a peace that had been missing for some time.

If God knows the plans that He has for us shouldn't we be talking with Him to get the information of where we are supposed to be going to work?

So after speaking that to the men there came a testing phase that currently is in its third year for me personally. During this time I have framed houses, worked on the river, worked as a Technology Analyst for a DoD contractor, back to the river, and a manufacturing job just to keep the lights on.

The nights laying awake wondering where the money was going to come from, the echoes of doubt that I had made the wrong decision to leave the arsenal (the high paying manufacturing job) and the time that I placed my hope in a job (Technology Analyst) and the bitterness that ensued from the realization that I was not ready for that position have left me more mature. Most importantly this time has revealed to me the nature and character of who my heavenly Father is.

On a side note the job as a the Technology Analyst was a great position for me to learn. Not about the job but about me. For one the long days just trying to get up to speed to perform my job mixed with the stress of working in the clients office to make a good pay check showed me what the pursuit of money was going to cost. When the cards are on the table I am glad that I did not stay. I am not willing to put in 60+ hour weeks to be "successful". Leaves little quiet time and no family time and was not for me. Some people can handle it with ease. I am not one of those people.

The doubts resound through me. The depression creeps in. I made wrong decisions. I have spoken out against the ways of the world only to be tested. Yet this is what I have learned in the area of finances and jobs. A breakthrough does not mean I have that new job and a breakthrough does not mean that my finances are all taken care of. To me breakthrough is a fresh revelation and perspective on another aspect of my Father's love for me.

During this time I have learned that my Father is indeed gentle in His love for me. That was important because I was not allowing myself any mercy and grace during this time. Another concept that was revealed to me during this time is the fact that with the same measure that I judge myself is the same measure that the Father must judge me. So I am learning to give myself mercy and grace during this time and this season.

If I did mess things up SO WHAT? Romans 8:28

28And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Does that make things any easier when the doubt creeps back in? Nope. But I do take solace in 2 Samuel 22:

31 As for God His way is blameless; The word of the Lord is tested

or

29 For Thou art my lamp, O Lord; And the Lord illumines my darkness

and lastly

33 God is my strong fortress; And He sets the blameless in His way
34 He makes my feet like hinds feet And sets me on my high places
35 He trains my hands for battle So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze
36 Thou hast also given me the shield of Thy salvation And Thy help makes me great

The Father has a plan for me.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

And when those doubts echo I smile now. For I understand that it isn't about the world, it isn't about me, it is about what the Father is doing and where He is placing me. And that is a pretty safe place.

McClintock Family Update

Shelly and I are in a place that we just are overwhelmed. We have been loved on from day one and since the move it has gotten more intense. One of the things that I have noticed is the overwhelming majority of people are glad that we are here. I am truly a blessed man.

Spending some time with Shel before she left for work this morning we were enjoying the sunrise over the mountain and onto the lake. I mentioned to her and she was in agreement, we are truly blessed. So richly and truly blessed.

One of the big opportunities that has been afforded me during this time is relationships. I have free time (for now) and working diligently to spend time with people. But how do I do that? Love. Matthew 10:8 Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers; cast out demons, freely you received, freely give. This is where the motive of my heart needs to be shaped.

One of the things that God has shown me during this time has taken a shift in thinking for me. Gone are the days of routine quiet times. Checking the box. God has destroyed my religious traditions being here. He has placed it very strongly on my heart to stop and just enjoy His presence. Pretty sweet.

As for accepting the gifts that have been given this is a great teaching lesson. It is easier for me to give then it is for me to receive so people feeding me, giving me a place to live, etc is different. It has been a long road trying to get into a position to accept and not think that I can earn this. I can't. One of the things that God was showing me out on the water the other day was to enjoy what has been given. "This is an extension of My love and you can not earn this" Pretty heady stuff if you ask me. So I am trying to become a human being instead of a human doing.

As my heart is flooded with these blessings I have a strong desire to love on others. This is a circle of love. There is a process to my prayer being answered of wanting to see people as Jesus sees them. I am not yet perfected but I am getting there.

The most amazing thing that is happening here is the fact that I have been encouraged by several people, leaders and non-leaders alike to focus on my marriage. One of the things that I have always said in Christiansburg is for all my shortcomings my marriage was strong as Shel and I both work diligently to build it. But the interesting thing about being told about this is not the fact that I need to work on my marriage but the fact that I felt no pride and I was not defensive and I do not try to defend myself. I simply went back to pray and find out what is going on here. Of all the things to work on here I never would have guessed marriage.

I keep feeling (and time will definitely tell) that this is the start of being released for ministry. My quiet time is crazy good and there is a desire to spend time with Jesus. But love. Oh the love. Love. God is indeed love.

So in this season of our lives I am seeing fruit with Shel and in my personal relationship. God told me from day one before I had ever heard of DPCF that I needed to take care of myself(relationship with the Father, personal healing) and that He would take care of my marriage and those things that concern me. He told me that I had to place them in His hand. I am learning to do that.

1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, (that is part of the process of not being able to financially contribute to the housing situation etc)

humbling myself not allowing blame or the lies that I missed it to enter in the equation but to continue to seek the Father's heart and what He is saying about the situation but the key for us has been in verse 7:

casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you

God cares for me. The creator of heaven and earth cares for me. Wow!! That is some good news there!

So how have I been doing it? My prayer is simple based on that 1 Peter 5 verse and Matthew 11:28-30 Father I give you my finances, my marriage, my job search, everything that is weighing me down I give it to you and I pray let Your Kingdom come let Your will be done as already having been established in heaven.

That's it. Now I stand on God's word and heed the advice in 1 Peter 5:8

Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour.

And when that interview doesn't lead to a job, and Shel is frustrated with me about something, or depression is coming at me in waves as I get nostalgic about Christiansburg, verse 9:

But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experience of suffering are bing accomplished by your brethren who are in the world.

and if I do that there is a promise attached to all of this, verse 10:

and after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

I have to stand firm and know what I am called to do here at Smith Mountain Lake in this season. When things are looking bleak or I am entertaining the thoughts of closing down I resist and stand firm in the knowledge that faithful is the One who has called me. The exciting thing and the promise that I hold onto is that God himself is going to perfect me, confirm me, strengthen me, and establish me. I don't need my pastor or anyone else to do it God himself is going to. That settles the timing issue for me.

So in this time of our lives I get to: study and spend time with God, love on my wife and really get to know what makes her tick (after 5+ years I admit I have a lot to learn), love Ginny and Bob who I get the pleasure of being around every day, love on members of the Body here, and learn to just be? God knows what He is doing and I am so humbled and excited to be a part of it.

In closing as I second what Daniel said when he said;

Let the name of God be blessed forever and ever
For wisdom and power belong to Him.
And it is He who changes the times and the epochs;
He removes kings and establishes kings;
He gives wisdom to wise men, and knowledge to men of understanding.
It is He who reveals the profound and hidden things;
He knows what is in the darkness And the light dwells with Him
To Thee O God of my fathers I give thanks and praise.

Daniel 2:20-23

Time Goes By

As Shelly and I wind down a time of transition and prepare to start a new life I can't help but to reflect on what the last six years have looked like. Wow!!

When I first showed up in Christiansburg in 2004 I was a mess. (I have yet to hear of a birth that wasn't messy). I had literally just came from psych row at Lewis Gale in Salem, judge had pretty much said he was tired of seeing me, put my truck into a ditch late one Saturday - got a free set of matching bracelets and an all expense paid trip to the NRV Correction Center for that night, and I was ramping up the suicide attempts. But where sin abounds grace abounds all the more.

I received a call from a lady at church asking for my roommate. Explained that she wasn't home and indeed I would not be visiting their church anytime soon. A few weeks later I would meet that lady and be introduced to her small group leaders - Curt and Sherry - who to this day are still my spiritual parents. The fateful Sunday I made the trip to Christiansburg from Wytheville I had no idea what was going on. With my grandfather being a Pentecostal preacher I ran as far away from church as I could when I left for the military. (no matter where you go God is always there) I was making this trip to pick up ladies. Little did I know that God was waiting on me in one of the best ambushes I have ever saw. I liked what I saw in the church and decided that I would come back. My third or fourth Sunday I sat next to a lady that was instrumental in filling me with the Word. Sue Hash (one of those prayer warriors that prays so much satan gets terrified) kept telling me to follow my heart."Listen to your heart," she kept saying.

Finally I gave up and ran to the front during the alter call. What did I have to lose? I had already shot myself (bullet never left the chamber), over dosed - twice(over 50 pills and did not fall asleep), was drinking and drugging, and personally requested a physical confrontation with God daily(I was physically going to whip a spiritual being - funny now but not so much then). I was miserable. Sex daily was not working, alcohol and drugs daily was not working, sports daily was not working, eating was not working there was no more options on the table. But God.

After that Sunday my life changed. There was a release of the Spirit that was calling out Abba Father. All of a sudden this guy who was notorious for being calloused and hardened from life was crying and worshiping in the quiet of his home not fully understanding what was happening. This same guy that would just begin praying in another language weeping and again not sure what the heck was going on. Yep that was the guy who moved to Christiansburg in 2004 after being saved for a whopping three months.

The last part of history before the move to Christiansburg was the fact that I had gotten saved in August and then was shipped out with my Army Reserve Unit for Iraq. We gathered at Ft. Dix New Jersey and I had been saved less then a month at this point. I missed Curt and Sherry and my church family. See, I was struggling in the Christian walk without others around me I was a babe in the woods and the wolves were prowling. Once I arrived at Ft. Dix I began to pray. Nightly I would walk to the pond there on post and pray much like Jesus did at the Garden of Gethsemane. I would pray so hard that I would sweat in forty degree weather. For some reason I was led to end my prayers the same way, "Not my will but Yours be done." Long story short I was released without being deployed and came back to Wytheville until I moved.

After arriving back from New Jersey Shelly entered my life. My whole paradigm of dating changed. What was the goal of dating if it was not to sleep with the person? How do you date with no sexual tension? Oh yeah life had shifted for me. Fortunately Curt and Sherry were there to answer those questions and so much more.

December 2004 I moved to 108 S. Franklin in Christiansburg. I was so happy to be near family that I slept on the floor the first few weeks. I had found a home and had no concept of what my future really was going to look like. At this time I began to hear and see things that I could not understand. Curt had to introduce me to the prophetic ministry that was on the inside of me. I thought everyone was hearing what I heard. I soon found out that was not the case.

After moving I spent at least five days and sometimes seven at Curt and Sherry's house. A pattern that God established in my life was children. (I have difficulty moving separation anxiety is only supposed to happen in children but I go through it even now. For example I could be moving to Tobago (my dream retirement community) and I would have to deal with paralyzing anxiety) Curt and Sherry had four of them and I become a fixture shuttling to sporting events, pool, movies, and basketball (not ashamed to say Alyn can out run AND dribble circles around me also thanks Joe for taking it easy on me) Those children ministered to me more than any Sunday sermon. When Curt sat me down during my first year and explained to me that I would need to stop drinking or he would have to keep his children away from me it hit home better than any 12 step program.

Drinking? Yep my first year I was a mess. Praise and prophesy Sunday. Drunk Tuesday. So what happened? How did I cope with the stress and anxiety of life before Christ? Over 20 years of continous repetition a pattern (barring God's grace and intervention which is possible) is not going to magically disappear. I had to learn some things. First I needed to know who I was. Then I needed to know the love of the Father. Curt and Sherry poured into my life during an intense ministry training session known as life.

Some of the things that happened during that time included:
-Breakfast Ball a community outreach to bring area children (generally lower income families) to the church, feed them, love on them, tell about Jesus, and then send them home with some food for the week this was significant because the Carr home group was one of the few (I did not really realize this at the time) people that spent time with these people during the week. We were a main stay in their lives and that was normal to me (also formed a basis of ministry for me)
-There is indeed politics in church. This was another sad day for me. I have issues with politics. It marred my military career because I do not like to play nice games. If I have something to say let me say it and then let us move on. I had taken an identity of the guy that doesn't play politics. Curtis was able to show me that it doesn't have to be a bad thing. The one incident that really stood out was the day that I was going to beat the Youth Pastor and Head Pastor to a bloody pulp. I could feel tension in the office and had witnessed some actions that I deemed not right (judgment led to bitterness which can lead to death I have prayed through this). With the 101st Airborne we had an open pit policy. If you had an issue with someone settle it in the pit. Either use the pugals or boxing gloves but the issue stays in the pit. That is a great idea for a combat unit but not necessarily a good idea for church leadership.
-Marriage Counseling for a year we lived with Curt and Sherry. I saw everything. From bad days at work, to finance issues, to the kids forgetting their upbringing to extreme events like a church split (yep went through one of those too) I watched as a man and woman in right relationship with God overcame everything that could be thrown at them in 24 hours. How do I know that it was a right relationship with God? The fruit identifies the tree. I saw and learned so much from Curtis during that time and I am still applying those lessons each day. Prayer and worship are powerful weapons. A lot of times we forget worship.
-Authority was another area that Curtis did a great job with me. I sensed something spiritually was happening in the church (remember the split I spoke of earlier?) Curtis very well could have shifted my focus to Sherry and himself (I still think that Curtis might have sensed something was coming but I will never know for sure and that is okay) but he did not. He could have tore the pastor down and I would have jumped right in. He didn't He focused us on Jesus. Curtis I just can't say how much that single lesson shaped who I am. If I am in the church and this is where God has placed me I have learned to walk out whatever difficulties come. Some say I am loyal. I say that I am just obedient to the calling of God on my life. And Curtis Carr is where I learned that lesson. When all hell is breaking loose turn inward to God.
-I could keep going but relationships is where I will bring this little section to a close. For all the strength Curtis showed Sherry showed my something else. Relationships built on trust. If I had to go through half of what that woman has been through I don't know how relational I would be. But God. Sherry makes every person she meets and speaks with feel like they are the most important person in her life. She listens, and as I learned quickly, she watches. Everything. I have watched her have one of the worse days that would rival a bad day in Kosovo and then turn right around, go pray, and then open her home up to people that needed the Jesus in her. She would cook and pray and love on people.I have watched her open her home to people that we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt were slandering her.Sherry would invite them into her home anyway. The funny thing is I never once saw God not do a powerful work in that person's life before leaving the house. So if people ask where I got the same concept from it is easy to tell them that part of me came from my momma.

As much as Curt and Sherry taught me how to thrive in church leadership (it really is simple love the people) Rick Sizemore would come along and minister into my life who I am in Christ.

Shelly and I were married in November 2005. Upon returning from our honeymoon Curt and Sherry had us over to discuss some things. I knew something was going on. God had spoken that He had given me rest from my enemies and that word was confirmed. We sat down with them to learn that Sherry was leaving her post as the Pastor's Secretary and that they might be leaving the church. We were told for a couple of reasons. Curt said first and foremost he didn't want me walking through the church taking out the leadership when I couldn't find her and second so Shelly and I could begin praying to see what God was doing in our lives. In 2006 I moved along Curt and Sherry as we planted River of Life. I saw a need for a youth pastor and stepped into that role. (another great lesson I needed to and was directed to pray but I assumed a role that was not meant for me) It was hard. Shelly was not with me. She had heard that a guy who did campus ministry at Va Tech when she was a student now had a church in Christiansburg and she tried it out and loved it.

Shelly, as she is want to do, heard something from God and invited Rick and Paula over to our house for dinner. I did not care. I was not going to like the man. I was starving spiritually. I was in a position I should not have been, my wife was not with me, and I was going to make it work. Summary: I was miserable.

Rick came to the house and the next thing I know this dude is stretched out on the chaise lounge and talking about baseball. There was something about him. Long story short I was captivated by the stories he told of dealing Jesus in places like Cuba, went to a Dwelling Place Encounter, and then asked for a release from River of Life. This was most difficult for me but I felt this was where God was taking me and He was taking my family. Dwelling Place was a change of pace for me as I was used to being one of the few prophets in the church's previous. In DP everyone prophesies. There goes my identity. One of the things that Rick did over the years was take me out of a leadership position. There goes identity again. The goal was for me to be a son of God. Without performance measures.

Over the years I have had the opportunity to travel with Rick and have the foundation of DP reiterated. One place that Shelly and I went to was Smith Mountain Lake. After the Strongholds Conference we traveled down to Lyons GA with him. That is when I informed Rick that we felt called to SML. Rick felt like the timing was wrong (and he was correct). After that meeting I went into a dismal depression. My identity was gone (so I thought), I was sitting in a church that was driving me bonkers (judgment I saw so much talent ministry wise that I thought was being wasted and "leadership is letting it go to waste" sounds like a timing issue). Probably the lowest point came at the fall encounter 2009.

I had the opportunity to work for some guys from church. They vouched for me and got me into this really cool job working as a Web Application Developer. Big money. Big time pressure. Long story short loss the job and was never given a heads up. (I was not ready for that it really was like Balaam where I kept going back and pleading with God please give me a computer job so I don't have to frame houses - framing houses doesn't seem so bad now) After being terminated I left. I was mad. Identity was gone again. The foster child that we had kept during that time was gone also. I was, indeed, a failure. For over five months I shut down and became an introvert. The last hurdle I had was letting Shelly go. If I could just do that I could pull the trigger one last time and see if the bullet flew through my head. I felt certain it would.

Satan is the father of lies. At this time I was worthless, I was no good, I never would be anything, Shelly would be better off without me. Why don't I just kill myself and be done with it. Rick is tired of baby sitting you, Mitch has too much on his plate stop being a burden to people and just die. But God. (remember I am dealing with all of this when I had been in DP for a while at this point so I had heard truth but see the schemes of the enemy at work here? if he can cut you off from the Body he can kill you I am not using a scare tactic - not my style the enemy comes to KILL, steal, and destroy and roams around like a lion seeing who he can devour is he going after a pack or the one floating out on his own island?)

Fall encounter 2009 I showed up at the last minute. I knew that physically I was dead if I did not go. I showed up mad and stayed that way for a while. Saturday night I was dragged out of the service because of a "goodbye" note I left on Facebook. We fought and wrestled a little. Mitch explained that I needed to let go of the bitterness and let God heal me but I had the choice. We sat there for almost 45 minutes before I could pray through it. I saw Satan pulling my heart out of my chest and it was almost complete and then Jesus came through and took it back. It was a violent tug of war and I was almost pulling for the darkness. Long story short I prayed through the bitterness and received healing.

Three months later after that violent encounter I reported to Mitch that I would not be coming back to church. I was done. I ended up in a meeting with Rick and Mitch in March of this year. I explained that I was done. Here was what was happening.
-For some unknown reason DP C'burg was almost dead to me (not in a negative sense as I explained to Rick I saw a huge, massive fruit tree in Christiansburg sanctuary but I was not allowed to eat of the fruit)
-Every single spirit that walked into the building I was feeling. If someone was depressed I was became depressed, if someone was happy so was I, so I had over 400 spirits/emotions crawling all over me Sunday's sucked (I have since repented and have educated myself concerning this and have even asked God to bless me with a chance to do it again now that I understand Rick and Mitch both said intercede for each spirit - rebellion because I didn't but again have prayed through that issue)

Rick was perplexed because I was not bitter or rebellious I was just confused and lost. He said it is like trying to find car keys we needed to go back to the last place we had them and then he asked when was the last time I was happy? Smith Mountain Lake. Rick asked Shelly and I to go back there and see what God was doing and here we are.

After three years I am much stronger and better able to serve the body in SML. Three years ago would have been a fiasco. There is security in authority. So what is God doing? Not too sure all I know is that we are now a part of DP Lake and we are going to continue to seek the Father's heart first because really isn't that what it is all about? Relationship with Jesus will reveal the Father's heart in my life.

It has been a crazy five years. We have indeed seen our shares of ups and downs. The things I know moving forward are God is for me not against, Jesus is more real than the air I breathe, and He is NEVER giving up on me.

Prophetic

One of the things that God has been teaching me and moving me to is the prophetic. For what ever reason I had very little interest in the prophetic. God has flowed through me several times in the prophetic realm and some people get excited when they are around me but I do not consider myself that special. What people call prophetic gifting I just call my normal relationship with God. This is the way my life has went since I accepted Jesus into my life as Lord and Savior.

This new season in my life God is taking me back to build a foundation under the gifting (mercy and grace has protected me and allowed me to operate in the gifting to this point there has been some understanding but not what I would call a deep biblical understanding. This is not meant to confuse people I just have never studied prophecy like reading Mike Bickle and Jack Deere until now and part of that was timing. I have always known my gifting is from God and that it can be perverted or even attacked. God is just taking me back now to understanding what it all means). There has been some things that I flat out won't do if I am ministering or preparing to minister that I could never understand. As I stated earlier this was just how things have been since I have invited Jesus into my heart.

One of those things is television. I will take away the television about 2 weeks before ministering. I do not need distractions. God has trusted me with ministry and I want to know the Father's heart for the people that He is sending me to. I have found that I had been putting law over myself regarding that and God has brought it back and healed my heart. I now step away from the television not because I feel like I have to but because I want to draw close to God and hear His voice speaking to me.

The other thing I do before ministering is my prayer life becomes a focal point of my study time. I get in there and just pray in the spirit (Jude 20) and intercede as God directs. Prayer has really been a difficult place for me. I, until now, would only use prayer when I was in a tight spot and needed direction. God has created a new heart in me and it has changed my life. I know that being in DP we sometimes can get so focused on setting our swivel chair correctly that our quiet time is more about checking the boxes instead of spending quality time with the Father.

So what is God showing me concerning this? He actually had me go back and read Dr. Jack Deere's The Beginner's Guide to the Gift of Prophecy and here are some of the excerpts that hit home with me.

Interceding. Read Rev 4-5 and you get a powerful representation of the throne room of heaven. You have the four living creatures flying around a throne, hundreds of millions of angels and then you have the twenty-four thrones with the twenty-elders sitting on them. Pretty vivid and amazing picture no less but what is important is what Jesus is doing in the midst of all this awesomeness. He does not get distracted from His main task as the heavenly entourage is singing His adoration He is laboring in prayer for all those He is drawing to His Father(Heb 7:25). Pretty awesome.

Interceding is what happens once the word has been delivered. As Dr. Deere states; "If we truly want our prophetic word to draw our hearers to God, then we should pray for them after we deliver the message." If Jesus can do it in the midst of heaven then I have no excuse not to do it here on this earth with all of its distractions.

So what about the television being turned off (this is just for me as God treats each one of us differently and honestly I place way too much on my time with the television)

Well first some history. Back when I first was saved I felt that God was calling me to go speak with the Pastor concerning the state of his church. There was things that were revealed to me that needed to be spoken and God had chosen me. I had been saved for a little over a year so I was still wet behind the ears and I was really flying by the seat of my pants. I thought that everyone's relationship with God was like mine (even with Shelly speaking to the contrary)

So anyway I schedule the meeting and sit down and speak all that God had revealed to me. (I was very fortunate that there was a ton of tact and for whatever reason God had placed a heavy anointing on me before I walked into his office). John 14:10 states "The words that I say to you, I do not speak on my own initiative, but the Father abiding in Me does His works. That was my focus on this day.

After sharing what God had placed on me I walked away heart broken. I knew that the words had not been received. That hurt but what was the source of my pain?

Today God revealed to me the motives of my heart. They were indeed pure. My heart was broken because I knew what was going to happen in that church. I knew that people were going to get hurt and some were going to get left behind. That hurt me more than the pastor not listening to me. I am thankful that God showed that to me because I do not desire to do anything unless God is doing it. Bottom line. That has been my hearts cry when God uses me prophetically. I have personalized John 5:19 that I can do nothing of myself unless it is something that I see the Father doing; for whatever the Father is doing that is what I desire to do in like manner. That is my hearts cry.

One of the goals that I have adapted in my life is that Satan have no hold on me. John 14:30 states I will not speak much more with you, for the ruler of the world is coming, and he has nothing in Me; and 31 But so that the world may know that I love the Father, I do exactly as the Father commanded Me. Get up, let us go from here. That is the pray of my heart, Father.

Overall I must say it is so funny that God uses me prophetically. I am a perfectionist. Why is that funny you say? Because I have to discern Interpretation, Revelation, and Application, a lot of times I may just get the revelation and someone else has the interpretation and someone else has the application. See how that could mess me up? It is not (to my way of thinking) a complete work if I just get one piece I want to finish this thing and see freedom but God's way is not mine now is it?

God has a wonderful sense of humor because I also have a fear of failure, of being wrong but when flowing in the prophetic how do you judge right or wrong? Look at the fruit. Fruit not signs and wonders which the enemy can duplicate. Satan can not copy the fruits of the Spirit

So why prophesy? 1 Cor 14:3 But one who prophesies speaks to me for edification and exhortation and consolation.

Edification the act of building up, promoting another's growth in Christian wisdom. piety, happiness, holiness

Exhortation consolation, comfort, solace; that which affords comfort or refreshment, persuasive discourse, stirring address

Consolation any address whether made for the purpose of persuading,or of arousing and stimulating, or of calming and consoling, comfort

To this purpose I have been called Roman 8:28
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

I have a lot to learn and a ton of room to grow. God is faithful to complete the work that He has started. The nice thing is there is no longer a false sense of me achieving this on my own or positioning myself to operate in this precious gift. I can't earn it the gifts of God are irrevocable (unregretted meaning God does not regret placing that gifting on the inside of me even knowing the mistakes that I am going to make along the way HE DOES NOT REGRET IT!!! think about that). I just need to make a decision to follow Him and to love Him not pursuing for the gift or anointing but because He is my Father and I want to be around Him. That is where my heart is right now.

As for that meeting with the pastor? Difficult times were indeed ahead and God has given me an understanding that a baby prophet is generally not ideal to speak corporately over the Body. So why did God send me? A few reasons come to mind. It was a lesson I will never forget the pain I felt for the Body was tremendous. Do I have the courage to speak what God is saying to someone I had placed on a pedestal? It would be and it still is a place of growth for me. God has used that point several times including the need for tact when in a difficult position. He also used it (again I had no idea what I was doing this was mercy and grace) about the importance of prayer. In Dwelling Place before giving a word of correction we always pray and seek Godly council before attempting something like what God had me do. I did not know of DP at the time but those were the steps I took. I prayed and fasted as well as sought the advice of my spiritual parents. All in all it proved to be an experience that God could later build on. And He is.

Random Thoughts

Today as I was trying to stay awake after a great Relay for Life night and then heading into work I was thinking and asking God to help me during this time. (I usually am not too nice with less than 8 hours of sleep so after only three last night I was concerned about which way the ole swivel chair was going to focus today.) (Rom 8:6-7). Nobody ever said that it was easy. Far from it. The Kingdom of heaven suffers violence and the violent take it by force (Matt 11:12)

The thought that God showed me was from the military days. A popular military train of thought is that a soldier learns more when they are tired. That is why there is an emphasis on the Army's Ranger School as a premier leadership course because you do not sleep in that school for a few months (the ideas is to induce the stress of combat into a training session) and it seems to work pretty well. God was showing me that what I put into my body today would have an impact on my future and that I had a choice.

So with all that being said here are some random thoughts from the men's encounter last week at A Place for the Heart, some things that God is doing in my life, and just other thoughts that right now would not constitute enough info for an individual blog.

With the understanding of what the last 24 hours have been like let's begin with a personal gem that God gave me two years ago. I was struggling at the time with lust and I felt like a teenager with the issues and emotions that I was having. I was praying seeking God, repenting, putting scriptures in place of the lies - all to no avail. That is then when I heard God tell me that "Breakthrough happens when your destiny means more than your circumstances" that still ministers to me to this day because my desire is to become a man of integrity that walks upright with the Lord. (Pro 2:7)

A gem that I picked up from Jonathan Helser last weekend was one that he spoke Friday night. His wife Melissa was pregnant with Cadence at the time. Jonathan didn't know what to do except to sing over Melissa's belly. He did that for nine months. Finally Cadence arrived into the world and Jonathan was walking with him in the hospital around midnight and Jonathan just began to sing over him. He saw in Cadence eyes a brief look of recognition as if to say "Hey your the voice that has been singing over me my whole life". Jonathan went on to say that that is the way that heaven is going to be when we finally come face to face with God and then we are going to recognize that voice that has been singing over us our whole lives.

That really struck a chord with me because there are times that I have to go back to Zep 3:17 which states;
The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.

Lastly I wanted to speak of being a son/daughter of God. Anybody that has ever sat in on a Rick Sizemore teaching knows that God has really placed this message on his heart to minister to people. I really liked the idea and having sat under Rick for over three years now I "Know" all about being a son and the freedom it entails. Unfortunately it had not made that 18 inch journey (thanks Jonathan) from the mind to the heart. For some reason I feel God wanting me to share my journey in a few short paragraphs. Maybe this will help someone else who is struggling.

For a foundation lets go to Romans 8:14,15,16

For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.

For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"

The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God

Sounds pretty good correct? I mean we are sons and daughters of the Creator of Heaven and Earth who is not a man that He should lie (Num 23:19)

My issue (and I believe that there are precious few that have no issues once so ever in understanding in their minds AND hearts what it means to be a child of God) was I had to earn it. My hang up was look at me God I am spending time praying (distorting 2 Timothy 2:15) and studying and wow look at how I treat other people pretty good, huh? (Is 29:13)

And here is what happened. Two Dwelling Place encounters ago God brought me to a brink and I had a choice to make. Spiritual and physical death was at my door because "mind set on the flesh is death" (Rom 8:6) but God warred for me. I had sown to the flesh and I was reaping corruption (Gal 6:8) but fortunately I saw God fight for me in a very real way. No emotions, no I think that He did nope the Father flat out fought for me when I was dead in my trespasses (I will write about the whole deal later on but holding onto bitterness (Heb 12:15, Eph 4:31) might seem like a good idea to you but let me tell you do not play with bitterness I almost physically died because of it.

Here is what I learned from the whole thing.
1. God does not give up on me. I can quit Him at my own peril but He will not stop loving me
2. when you ask your Father to remove anything that is hindering you from His presence get ready for your life to be flipped upside down (I did learn a little more about His ways are not mine)
3. I do not have to earn this Love. He watches over me to perform His word (Jer 1:12)
4. HE NEVER GIVES UP ON ME

In closing Jonathan Helser summed it up for me when he stated that God sees the mistakes your going to make and He still wrote your name in the palm of His hand.

Think of this Isaiah 49:16
Behold I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before me.

And the best part was His mercy and grace were enough for me and I did not have to do it on my own, could not do it on my own if I tried. How awesome is our God?

And lastly I just want to declare the lyrics of Our God on the Passion 2010 Awakening CD
There is no one like you
None Like you
Our God is stronger
Our God is greater
Our God is higher than any other
Our God is Healer
Awesome in Power

I would just encourage you to take a few moments and reflect on those times that God had to show Himself mighty on your behalf and maybe you have forgotten that time. Take a few moments and just let Him know, "ya know what God I just want to say thank you that you were with me during this time. I am thankful that you never leave me and you never forsake me. Thank you" ((Heb 13:5)

There is power released when you acknowledge God in all of our affairs. I know that I am forever thankful.

20 May 2010 AM Post

Wasn't really sure where God wanted me to go this morning. Was thinking that maybe I should do the threads of my life post but not yet, maybe the Holy Spirit and what He means to my life but no, I feel this morning that God is wanting me to speak on worship.

For whatever reason I have been blessed with the gift of worship. As a new Christian just days into my walk with the Lord I could not understand what it was about songs from groups like Newsboys and Casting Crowns (I Can Only Imagine) would just leave me in a heap on the floor sobbing like a baby.

The very first lesson I ever learned about worship was the fact that God inhabits the praises of His people(Psalm 22:3 KJV) That was really all I ever needed. As I have moved forward what has been on my heart concerning worship is motives. Am I pursuing the presence of God just for some feeling of goodness or am I pursuing the presence of God because I want to be like Him?

The answer for me is: it really depends on the day. Some days I want to get into His presence because I have had a crap day. Sometimes I worship to get into His presence before I pray and seek His heart on matters that are important to myself and my family, and then sometimes I just worship because, well I know what He has brought me through and if I did not sing I would combust with the sheer joy of what my Father has done in my life and what he is doing in my life.

Here is my belief, call it a lie and allow the truth to be established but in the presence of God circumstances have to change. Psalm 68:8 states that the earth quaked; The heavens also dropped rain at the presence of God; Sinai itself quaked at the presence of God, the God of Israel. The other interesting verse that talks of the presence of God is the throne room of heaven where Rev 4:8 states that: And the four living creatures, each one of them having six wings are full of eyes around and within; and day and night they do not cease to say, "HOLY, HOLY, HOLY, is the LORD GOD, THE ALMIGHTY, WHO WAS AND WHO IS AND WHO IS TO COME"

Think about something exciting in your life, maybe it was that football game between Tech and Nebraska, maybe it was your wedding, regardless think of an event that impacted you and that you remember with fondness. Now ask yourself, how long did it take before that memory faded? The four living creates do not cease to declare that God is Holy(religious awe, reverence; to venerate, revere). Why would I not want to spend time in the presence of the this powerful being? There is just something about the Father and I believe that it is Him drawing me closer to Him.

But worship is much more intimate than that to me now. With an understanding that the veil is torn (Mat 27:51) and that I can now enter into a place that was once reserved only for Levites (Num 1:50-53) why should I waste an opportunity here on earth to do something that I will spend the rest of my life doing?

Worship is indeed the key. Rev 14:7 we are admonished to "Fear God and give Him glory, because the hour of His judgment has come; worship Him who made the heaven and the earth and sea and springs of waters." Worship in this scripture was derived from the root word meaning literally to kiss, like a dog licking his master's hand the Lexicon continues with the outline of Biblical Usage and defines it as to kiss the hand to (towards) one, in token of reverence, my favorite is it was used among the Orientals, esp. the Persians, to fall upon the knees and touch the ground with the forehead as an expression of profound reverence

I like 2 Chronicles 5:13-14
in unison when the trumpeters and the singers were to make themselves heard with one voice to praise and to glorify the Lord and when they lifted up their voice accompanied by trumpets and cymbals and instruments of music, and when they praised the LORD saying, "He is indeed is good for His loving kindness is everlasting" then the house, the house of the Lord, was filled with a cloud, so that the priest could not stand to minister because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the house of God

There is just something about worship. But there is one point of caution. Ecc 5:1-2 sounds a very clear warning Guard your steps as you go to the house of God and draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools; for they do not know they are doing evil

Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and your are on the earth; therefore let your words be few

To me the most beautiful thing about worship is the fact that I just need to be me, there are no fancy words that I need to speak. I just acknowledge His presence and in that place circumstances change.

May 19th 2010

Today was a great day. I enjoy working at Tangent Outfitters because it gets me outside and sometimes (well most of the time) I end up in the river. And I get paid for it. Great right? I tend to think so.

Let me explain my joy and why it is proof that God is moving in my life. It wasn't too long ago that I would be reluctant to go to work for the amount of money that I am getting paid now. Some of the things that I would have repented (turn away) for would have been complaining, you know like I ain't getting paid enough to do this crap; bitterness, can't believe I was making $40,000/year to come work for these peanuts; and of course the infamous I don't know what Shawn is doing but I know that I could do better. But behold old things are passed away and all things are now new in my life.(2 Cr 5:17)

God has been teaching me to give thanks for the things that are in my life. I know that I had a tendency to measure my circumstances and equate my joy from that situation. Now I give thanks in all things. Great trait to have.

As I prepare for work I like to spend time with God in prayer. Father thank you for the wisdom to do a good job, I hear the voice of the good Sheppard and a stranger I won't follow, my footsteps are ordered by the Lord, and then it is on to the Holy Spirt, please minister to my during the course of the day and help me to guard my heart and my mind. It works out for me. Today I had to come clean with God (funny to think maybe He didn't know this about me) but I was asking God for help because I have a hard time backing trailers up and especially backing trailers up in tight spots like a boat launch on the river.

As we jumped in to the day (at Tangent we don't really start our day we just jump into it and go) God was telling me that today I needed to step out and learn how to back the trailers up. Alright I hear the voice of a good Sheppard(John 10:4,5).

It is interesting how the enemy will attack you when God has just spoken. Things were a little rocky as I left with the wrong truck to the wrong site, Shawn calls and wants to know where I am because we are ready to go. The other thing is Shawn was guiding which means that he was going with us which meant I had to back a trailer up with the clients AND the owner (Shawn) watching. On the way back to the shop to get the right vehicle I was asking God for some help here and declaring that I can do all things through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:13).

Notice how the circumstances of the situation were stacking up. 1)I had done the wrong thing first thing that morning 2) we were now behind schedule with clients waiting (a big no no in sports recreation area of tourism) 3) the boss was not happy 4) I was going to be "found out" about my driving skills. Those were pretty big circumstances right there for 7:30 in the morning.

So what did transpire? I get to the shop, the guides are driving the trucks to the sight, and we are driving them back to the take out spot down river. After getting the clients and the boss on the water we dropped the trucks and headed back to the shop to run another truck to a different section of the river. During this time I was able to practice for half an hour at one of the most difficult spots we take out. And did a good job I might add.

As we were driving to the put in spots to meet up with the guides and the clients my wife sent me this scripture and I would like to share it hear because it made my day and reminded me that I am a blessed man to be able to work on the river this summer.

Isaiah 43:1,2

But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.

And the lesson that I learned? Listen to the voice of the Creator and not the voice of circumstances.

Catching Up

It seems that everytime I go to the Helser's men's retreat my life is changed. Of course that is truth as anytime you are in the presence of your Father your life has to change. Circumstances have to change and hope has to be renewed.

As I was praying this morning God really impressed it upon my heart to take the time and begin to blog. Eventually there will be a biography and these blogs are going to help create a time-line.

First off lets catch up on the past year. Suicide, God intervention, job, no job, misery, marriage cracking at the foundation, frustration, meeting with Rick Sizemore, sent to another location, realized this was where God was sending me. And then this past weekend I was able to attend the Men's Encounter down in Sophia, NC at A Place for the Heart (www.aplacefortheheart.org).

A week or two before Easter of this year I was sitting with Rick and Mitch. Great guys. The thought was I was not going back to church anymore. I was tired of everything that I was feeling. I had no clue what was going on. None. Rick thought that maybe I needed to head to Dwelling Place Smith Mountain Lake http://dpsml.com/home and see what God was doing. Easter was our first Sunday back in almost two years. (Shelly and I knew that we were called to the area but I missed the timing the first go around and was very fortunate to have Sizemore in my life to help me from getting my goose cooked). It felt like home. I felt so released and free and it really felt like we were home.

As we were coming home Easter Sunday I surprised my wife by saying let's pray and seek Godly council on this matter. I also was adamant that we were not doing anything until we knew what God wanted for our lives AND we had spoken with Daniel at SML and Sizemore who has overall oversight of all three (currently) Dwelling Place Churches. She jokes that she should have known then that something was going on as I am a full speed ahead type of guy but I was wanting to be slow and cautious and definitely wanted to hear what God was saying.

As of today we have met with Daniel and are meeting with Rick tonight to see the timing of this. We have sought the Father's heart and listened for His direction and we feel strongly that we are to move on from Christiansburg Dwelling Place and move we feel that it is SML but we won't to be sure. I only do what I see the Father do.

As I was studying and praying and really seeking God's heart on this matter He took me to Numbers 14:39-45. Joshua and Caleb had went with the other spies and had saw the promised land. They saw that it flowed with milk and honey and there was fruit but the land was occupied. So the people decided to listen to the bad report instead of listening to the voice of reasoning from Caleb who said that hey God said this is ours let us overcome it. Sound advice but the people would not listen (Num 13:30).

See the promised land was on earth and there was obstacles to overcome but if God be for you who dare stand against you? Where is the faith. As the story progresses God informs Moses that for their unbelief this is what I am going to do. They are not going to see the promised land except for Joshua and Caleb. So the Israelites decide that hey we don't like that idea so we are going to go up there and take the land now that we have seen the choices and are no longer operating in faith.

The part that really stuck with me through this was the fact that the Israelites go and attempt to take the promised land while a) directly disobeying spiritual authority (Num 14:42 b) went to battle with out their spiritual authority (Num 14:44) and the most tragic of all was the fact that c) they went without God (Num 14:44). How did that work out for them?

Num 14:45: Then the Amalekites and Canaanites who lived in that hill country came down, and struck them and beat them down as far as Hornah.

That has served a valuable lesson for me and moving forward I will ensure that first off I am under authority, that I listen to said authority, and most importantly I will seek the heart of the Father first.

In closing another issue I would like to address the fact of bitterness, hatred, or rebellion. The fact of the matter is that should Rick decide that the time is still not correct (Rick will get mad at me for writing like that Rick did not make the decision Rick positioned me to hear from God concerning the timing but more on that later) I will continue to move on and do the things that God has placed on the inside of me. To be in authority you have to be under authority and to much is given much is required (Luke 12:48).